In a social setup where parents arrange for their daughter’s marriage, many parents from the South East Asian countries often look for grooms who have made developed countries like USA, Australia and UK their home. The dream of giving their daughters a better life proves to be a mere mirage in many cases and a living nightmare for the girls. The girls get married in lavish weddings and after landing in the foreign countries face domestic violence in the hands of these ‘too good to be true’ grooms.
According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship or in a household setup. It is also called intimate partner violence (IPV), domestic abuse or relationship abuse. This behavior can vary from mental torture to physical harassment.
One of the most common causes among the South East Asian communities for domestic violence is Dowry. Men expect to receive costly gifts and money as dowry and when the bride’s family fails they are either harassed or in many cases deserted. According to the national daily Times of India, complaints received by the Indian Ministry of External Affairs (MEA) show that in 1,064 days between January 1, 2015 and November 30, 2017, they received 3,328 complaints of desertion from women living outside India and married to NRIs — an average of more than three calls a day or one every eight hours.
Normal people may think why the victims don’t speak up or get out of the relationship. The reasons can be many, often the person is afraid of what will happen if they decide to leave the relationship. The women are afraid that they themselves and their parents would feel embarrassed or shamed in the society. Traditional gender roles supported by culture and religion in most of the South East Asian countries also influence the victims to stay in an abusive relationship. Lack of finances and communication skill also puts down the self-esteem of the victims in many cases. A lot of victims may not know what a healthy relationship is, when they have been brought up in an abusive atmosphere to begin with.
According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline website, you are in a violent relationship if you are being prevented from learning English or communicating with friends, family or others from your home country. If you are being threatened to be deported or that your petition for legal status will be withdrawn. If you are being intimidated by threats that legal documents needed to live in the country legally such as passports, resident cards or driver’s license will be destroyed. The abuse also includes economic abuse where the abuser gets the victim fired from the job or falsely reports that the victim is undocumented.
If you think you are in an abusive relationship then you must speak to someone who you trust, it may be your friends, family or a neighbor. You can also reach out to law enforcement officers. There are organizations like Arizona Coalition to end sexual and domestic violence that can help you. Break out of the shell of fear and help yourself, you deserve a better treatment. A better life is just a phone call away. There is no shame in demanding a better life, a healthy relationship and a voice that is heard-it is your right!
