Everything Happens for a Reason . . . Even the Bad Things

Life isn’t easy…anyone I say that in front of always responds with, “you can say that again.”  It is a simple truth – life isn’t easy.  It is a rollercoaster with unexpected ups and downs, but it is a unique rollercoaster in the sense that you only get one ride.  You cannot ride this adventure over and over again hoping to familiarize yourself with the ups and downs so you are not so shocked when you encounter them because you only live once – at least from what you can remember!

 So, when life sends you on tough roads strewn with rocks, darkness, and thorns, instead of flowers, happiness, and light, how do you keep your spirits up so you don’t waste the precious moments of life given to you?  I know many of us have heard this traditional South Asian belief that everything happens for a reason. We may have listened to it form one ear and taken it out another as wishful thinking from an older generation that just doesn’t get it.  But, if you actually take the time out to evaluate your good and bad times in life so far, you will realize the truth in this wisdom.

It is so easy to get negative and complain about why certain things happened to us and that is what we do as soon as we encounter these moments.   When something positive happens, we enjoy the happiness it brings us and are content for those few moments.  But how many of us actually spend the time connecting the dots on all that life has thrown our way in an attempt to understand whether the happiness that came our way would have been possible had we not gone down those difficult roads?  It is a simple exercise, but one that makes an individual mentally and emotionally stronger – making them more capable of handling all that life may throw their way.  When you sit down and evaluate the choices you made, the paths you chose – you will easily see that it was a combination of those choices and paths that led you to encounters such as meeting your closest friends, obtaining your dream job, finding the love of your life, amongst many others.  Had you not made the tough choices or travelled the difficult paths, some of the encounters that bring the most joy to your life would never have happened.  Therefore, if you cherish the outcome of those happenings, you must cherish the negativity and difficulty that led you down those paths.

When you see the connection in the turn of events your life has taken and truly believe in your heart that everything in your life is happening for a reason, no difficulty will seem too hard, no negative time will seem too long, and your heart and mind will learn to accept that something refreshingly positive will come out of whatever ordeal you may be going through at the moment.  Anything that is acquired or comes easy will also depart as easily and you will not have as much value for them as those things that you have yearned and pined for or worked hard to obtain and accomplish.  All the difficulty and negativity in your life is a form of yearning that will make the fruits of that labor much sweeter, giving you the ability to truly appreciate them.  So, next time life throws you a curve ball, keep these words in mind and instead of getting down in your spirits, wait for the amazing, experience that is bound to enter your life as a result of that much-dreaded curve ball.  Wishing everyone flowers, chocolates, and anything else that your heart desires during this month of love – Happy Valentine’s Day, enjoy it with your loved ones!

Deepa Kaur Walia
Editor, Asia Today
editor@asiatodayaz.com

Too Little, Too Late

With the new year coming up, I am sure New Year’s resolutions are on everyone’s minds.  There are the traditional will get healthier, will lose weight, will stop drinking, etc.  But very rarely do we pay attention to what really matters.  Ever heard the phrase too little, too late?  I am sure you have but for those that haven’t, it is when someone starts bringing about little changes but they are too little or coming too late in the game to have an impact.  Slow and steady wins the race and such is life.  It is so easy to get caught up in life’s day to day activities and concentrate all your attention and energy on this that won’t matter tomorrow – whether that be a job or a hobby or an obligation.  When I look back at where I was last year, a lot of people or things that seemed so important aren’t even a part of my life anymore.  The only constant in life is change.

We get caught up in the chaos of life and think that nothing is more important than this project I am working on, this social commitment I must attend, this volunteer work I must complete and everything else can wait – I will get to it when I can.  That everything else very well may be the people in your life that will or would have stayed constant, had you not neglected them concentrating on things that really didn’t matter at the end of the day.  As those people start slipping from your life, you grasp at straws struggling to make drastic changes to win a losing battle but it is usually too late – hence the phrase too little, too late.  It is better to do little consistently than wait too long and try to do too much in desperation.  When one recognizes what is important to them and what they don’t want to lose early on, even a little bit of effort into those things can go a long way.  It is when we keep putting things on the back burner and taking their existence for granted, we start losing the things in life that should have mattered the most.  And, by the time we awaken from our machine-like state, it is usually too late and the things that would have made you happy are long gone – leaving behind regrets and thoughts of what you could have done different.

So, as you think about what you want to do in the coming year, make your traditional resolutions and then go one step deeper into why those resolutions matter and make more meaningful secondary resolutions to go along with them.  For example, it is easy to say I am going to lose weight and live healthy this year.  But play the game of why’s with yourself.  Why do I want to lose weight and live healthy?  The answer may be because I want to live a longer life.  Then ask why again – why do I want to live longer?  The answer may be to spend a lifetime with someone or accomplish a yet to reach goal, etc.  Then, analyze those answers and figure out who you want to spend a lifetime with or what is the remaining goal you want to accomplish and make a resolution that is more than just an action, but targets the heart of the matter – that could be anything from setting a target date for your new goal or giving more attention and love to the person you identified.

From the team of Asia Today, thank you to all our readers, supporters, and advertisers for another wonderful year and letting us be a part of your lives and special moments.  We look forward to growing with you in 2012 and bringing local news and coverage through our print and digital publication.  Happy New Year!!!

Deepa Kaur Walia
Editor, Asia Today
editor@asiatodayaz.com

Wrong Decisions for the Right Reasons

We have heard about making the right decisions for the wrong reasons and as long as the decision is right, the outcome is usually good and the wrong reasons are overlooked.  However, take the same concept and swap out a few words and it becomes a recipe for disaster – the wrong decisions for the right reasons.  Some may argue that it is not possible to make wrong decisions, as long as your reasons are right.  But that is definitely not the case.  It is very much possible and, more so, people do it all the time.  Some examples are putting yourself and your feelings second to a loved one’s whether that be a spouse, parent, sibling, or friend or staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy because it is the right thing to do, because you made a commitment and you should honor it, or because you have children that may be negatively affected if you decide to split.  All these reasons are right – you are doing it for the wellbeing and love or concern of another human and in your eyes and, maybe even society’s, it is the right, ethical, honorable thing to do.  But, the decision at the end of the day is wrong, because nothing good can come out of making yourself unhappy.

Any decision taken due to obligation, duty, or honor that makes one miserable will bring with it a baggage of resentment and/or hatred that will eat one up inside.  Eventually, one will come to a point in their life that they have nothing positive to offer anyone, including those whose well-being they initially kept in mind when making the decision.  And, here begins the never-ending cycle of negativity.  Negativity and misery both have a domino effect.  When one is suffering and miserable, they tend to take that out on those around them– chances are those around them the most are their loved ones.  This may not happen immediately; you may have full control over hiding your inner suffering but as years pass, the suffering will continue to make you weaker until the strength that made you capable of hiding it no longer exists.  Those you take it out on may initially be strong, but again becoming the receiver of that negativity will eventually grow weaker and weary over time and transfer thaton to others and the cycle will continue.  Initially, when this cycle started, the reasons were pure and selfless but they eventually lead a human down a path that continues to spread negativity and misery, because at the end of the day, we are all human and have a capacity for how much we can sacrifice and compromise before the well fills up and overflows.  Many memorable figures in history have said that you cannot make anyone happy until you learn to make yourself happy.  You give what you receive and what you receive is a direct consequence of the decisions you make.

Now, I am not proposing that all humans be selfish, there be no compromises, and you purposely pursue circumstances where all you are doing is receiving. Like everything in life, there has to be a balance – you must put in as much as you take out so you must give as much as you receive.  If you shift that balance, even slightly in either direction, nothing positive will come out of it.  If you receive more than you give, you will become one of those individuals everyone despises, an ungrateful individual with a sense of entitlement that loses appreciation for what they are receiving because they get so used to it.  If you give more than you receive, it will ultimately hollow you out inside until you have nothing more left to give.  And, since what we become has a domino effect on those around us, it is important to keep that balance for the sake of ourselves and those around us.  Because, at the end of the day, it is by making and keeping yourself happy will you spread happiness and joy and add positivity to the lives of those you care about and cherish.  Whenever you are faced with a decision at any point in your life, evaluate your decision and your reasons and make sure it is the right decision for the right reasons or, worst case, the right decision for the wrong reasons, but never make the mistake of making the wrong decision for the right reasons, because it will ultimately end in wrong outcomes.

Deepa Kaur Walia
Editor, Asia Today
editor@asiatodayaz.com